Well the love of my life left me. Yeah back in December. I’m still not over it. I would give anything to kill myself. I hate my life more than anything. I can’t cause well I have a daughter. She’s only 9 and she would never forgive me. I cringe at the thought of what it would do to her. My life just went into a tailspin after she left. We saw each other a bunch of times and she told me she loved me. Even as recently as valentines day. Then for the next 15 days I heard nothing. I never felt so much despair in my life. Last Wednesday she randomly calls me. I go to see her and she tells me she “cares” about me but is not in love with me anymore. Also how she hated herself for being with me when she was going through a depression after her son left to the marines. How I wasn’t enough. That she and I can and will never be. If I had a gun I would’ve ended my life right there. Instead I bought a bottle of jack D and cried for about 4 hours. The strangest thing was the next day I felt ok. Yeah I’m hurt but I’m ok. Maybe it was the closure or the anger of what she said. Idk. All I know is I’m 42. Alone. Horrible job. Debt mounted to the roof. Out of shape. Nothing that I’d imagine my life would be at this age. I’m so scared. Am I on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Is this the calm before the storm? I’m so afraid to even look for happiness only to have it ripped from me. I pray everyday for a path or sign. Did I get it and didn’t see it? Or is it on its way? All i know is She’s gone.